I Was the Last One To Go

Backgrounder: “I like cleaning up after parties and am usually the last one to go home. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” gaharrison

I Was the Last One To Go

1. You called me last week, said, “Come over at nine.”
And if I had time, call a few friends of mine.
We planned to stay in, maybe watch some TV,
But after my friends left, I said, “Please dance with me.”

Chorus:

I was the last one to go, I was the last one to go,
We had the house to ourselves, no more movies to show.
You said, “Sure, we’ll dance when we put things away,
I was the last one to go, after you had your way.


2. We cleaned up the kitchen and filled up the sink,
These dishes won’t take long, I started to think.
But for each one I washed you brought even more,
Then you found all the dishes I hid behind the door.

3. I poured more hot water and started to clean,
I rolled up my sleeves, I was a scrubbing machine.
You said you’d be waiting for me to get done,
But I found you asleep as up came the sun.

4. I gave you a shake and you looked up at me
And said, “Who are you?” I said, “Hey, it’s me.”
“The last dish has been washed, and of that there’s no doubt.”
“Thanks a heck of a lot,” you said. “Now let yourself out.”

I was the last one to go, I was the last one to go,
We had the house to ourselves, no more movies to show.
You said, “Sure, we’ll dance when we put things away,
I was the last one to go, after you had your way.

GAH

I Ain’t the Bank

Backgrounder: “All my cracks about The Small Economy actually led to a brilliant song. No, my lovely wife doesn’t spend all my money. Some days it just enters my mind that we should buff up our savings account.” gaharrison

I Ain’t the Bank

1. Don’t spend my money, honey, I ain’t the bank.
Don’t spend my money, honey, ‘cause I’ve got you to thank...
For driving us to the poorhouse, straight down the 401.
You bought a big car, an SUV, you thought it’d be great fun.
Payments bigger than my cheque, well, this ain’t fun for me...so...
Don’t spend my money, honey, this ain’t fun for me.


["Even our cows look poor": photo GAH]

2. Don’t spend my money, honey, I ain’t the bank.
Don’t spend my money, honey, ‘cause I’ve got you to thank...
You drove my credit rating, straight down the 402.
You bought a house, with four bathrooms, less would never do.
I really never pee that much, you have spelled our doom...so...
Don’t spend my money, honey, you have spelled our doom.

3. Don’t spend my money, honey, I ain’t the bank.
Don’t spend my money, honey, ‘cause I’ve got you to thank...
You drove my little nest-egg, straight down the 403.
You filled our house with so much stuff, four big-screen TV’s.
I work so hard, no time to eat, you’re making my life rough...so...
Don’t spend my money, honey, you’re making my life rough.

4. Don’t spend my money, honey, I ain’t the bank.
Don’t spend my money, honey, ‘cause I’ve got you to thank...
You drove my small inher’tance, down Highway 404.
You bought new carpets and new drapes, I’ll have to work some more.
Can’t keep up with what you buy, our bank book’s in bad shape...so...
Stop spending money, honey, my bank book’s in bad shape.

5. Stop spending money, honey, I ain’t the bank.
Stop spending money, honey, ‘cause I’ve got you to thank...
You drove us to the poorhouse, down Highway 405.
You had another spending spree, I won’t get out alive,
I wonder if you’ve ever heard, that the best in life is free.
Stop spending money, honey, the best in life is free.

GAH

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Yet Another Hit Single: Fetch the Wild Turkey

Backgrounder: “My oldest son and his wife are expecting twins at any minute. Thinking about the changes that they’ll face reminded me of a song I wrote years ago for times when guitars and camping whisky were present at a campfire.” g.a.harrison

Fetch the Wild Turkey

1. I lived in the city, I owned my own house,
The only thing missing was a wonderful spouse.
You lived in the country, we met at a dance,
After the hoe-down, we both took a chance.
I'll fetch the Wild Turkey, I'll pour you a drink,
It's out in the kitchen, it's under the sink.
Since I first met you my plans are all new,
No one in the country is prettier than you.

2. I sold my possessions, and moved to your farm,
Bought cows for your field, a horse for your barn.
We'd pick the wild lilies and drink from the creek,
We'd talk about babies, stay in bed for a week.
Let's fetch the Wild Turkey, let's pour us a drink,
It's out in the kitchen, it's under the sink.
Since I first met you, been changes in me,
But you're certainly pretty in your red negligee.


3. Got three kids in diapers, twins on the way,
We’ve had one each year, it’s tradition you say.
To have lots of children to inherit the farm,
Extra hands at the harvest to fill up the barn.
You fetch the Wild Turkey, you pour me a drink,
It's out in the kitchen, it's under the sink.
Since I first met you my money's gone down,
But you still look real pretty in your purple nightgown.

4. Now we got four dogs and a house full of cats,
My allergies have come back, the corn's full of rats.
The house needs a new roof, porch leans to the ri-eee-ght,
The crickets are so loud I can't sleep at night.
Go fetch the Wild Turkey, I'll have us a shot,
Having too many is better than not.
Since I first met you my fortunes are down, down, down,
But you look kind of 'purdy' in that ratty nightgown.

5. The kids are all dirty in hand-me-down clothes,
We only get water 'fit rains or it snows.
The well it run dried, the crops blowed away,
The cows are all scrawny, the dogs ran away.
Fetch the Wild Turkey, I need me a shot,
Having too many is better than not.
Since I first met you my bankin’s a wreck,
But in that old night gown you're prettier 'an heck.

6. My spellin' is bad, my grammar am rotten,
Please don't complain, from you it's been gotten.
My troubles are all big, my money is small,
Please stop complainin' 'cause you spent it all.
*Fetch the Wild Turkey, I need one more shot,
Having too many is better than not.
Since I first met you my life has gone black,
Now the front of your nightgown looks the same as the back.

GAH

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Life don’t git that bad, do it?

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