Get Off of My Porch

Backgrounder: “I’m very, very surprised someone has not written a song exactly like this because terrible things - like those in the song - happen every weekend, if not every single day of the week. Not at my house, mind you, but somewhere. Use my porch if you need to brush somebody off.” gaharrison

Get Off of My Porch

1. You said that you didn’t love me,
You said you found someone new.
You said ‘cause I was your best friend
I should be happy for you.

Chorus;

Get offa my porch, stop your knockin’,
Nobody’s home, go away.
Leave me alone, I’m hurtin’,
(Or... lights are down low for a reason.)
I’ll come outside another day.


["Hey. You. Get off-a my porch!"]

2. I said you were sadly mistaken,
‘Cause I wasn’t happy at all.
I said, “I’ll be pining away, Dear,
All summer and into the fall.”

3. You said the first kiss was pleasure,
You said the last kiss was fun.
I thought the first kiss was treasure,
The last kiss - my heart came undone.

gah

***

Everyday something exactly like this happens.

Maybe I'm just the first one to sing about it - happily.

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Sorry I Kept You Waiting

Backgrounder: “I’d like to say that this song was 100 per cent from my imagination, but I’d be lying. I used to like to stay late at parties, be the last one to go, not think too much about my wife’s feelings. I’m almost cured of all my bad habits, thanks to lessons learned along the way. (Though I still have a few big bad habits to work on still.” gaharrison

Sorry I Kept You Waiting

1. You said, “Let’s be home by eleven.”
You had work the next day.
I had several too many,
usually that is the way.
We got to the car after midnight
and after I shut your door,
I said, “Gonna go get my jacket.”
I meant, gonna have couple more.
I said, “Gonna go get my jacket.”
I meant, gonna have couple more.


Chorus:

Sorry I kept you waiting,
sitting alone in the car.
Sorry I kept you waiting,
I stayed for last round at the bar.
Oh, I’ll try to be more reliable,
I’ll try to be more aware.
Sorry I kept you waiting,
I came out and you weren’t there.
Sorry I kept you waiting,
sorry I kept you waiting,
sorry I kept you waiting.
I came out and you weren’t there.

2. You waited for over an hour,
hopin’ I’d show up real soon.
You listened to music ‘bout lovers,
while watchin’ the silvery moon.
You thought of workin’ next morning,
called a cab on your cell.
You thought about having a future,
rather than livin’ in hell.
You thought about having a future,
rather than livin’ in hell.

3. I finally staggered outside, Dear,
I knew I’d be facin’ some heat.
Found your door was wide open,
my jacket was thrown in the street.
You listened to radio music,
so my battery’s dead for the day.
But more than my car needs a rescue,
and a boost from ol’ Triple A.
More than my car needs a rescue,
and a boost from ol’ Triple A.

gaharrison

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Lovers Stand On Every Corner

Backgrounder: “I don’t have a recollection of any incident that sparked this song. Maybe my wife didn’t pay for coffees one morning at The Little Red Roaster in Wortley Village and I got all pouty and hurt. Maybe I have an over-active imagination.” gaharrison

Lovers Stand On Every Corner

Verse 1. Saw you walking passed my door,
went to call but then I swore,
we can’t return to where we’ve been,
and life’s too short to open up that wound again.
Saw you at our old café,
couldn’t find the words to say,
like, let’s just have an easy talk and not get close
and open up that wound again.


Chorus:

Lovers, stand on every corner,
remind me of what might have been.
Words I’ve never said
have opened up that wound again.
Alone now, my head is on your pillow,
knowing there’s no answer
to things that I’ve done wrong.
Mistakes that I have made
have opened up that wound again.

2. Walked behind you to your street,
inched along on silent feet.
I practiced words, found a few.
But can words help us open up our hearts again?
Shuffled home, went to the phone.
Could one call just bring you home,
and stir our minds to better times?
But can words help us open up our hearts again?

Saw you walking passed my door,
went to call then I swore,
we can’t return to where we’d been,
life’s too short to open up that wound again.
Saw you at our old café, couldn’t find the words to say.

gah

Please click here to read this week’s column.

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Hit Singles: Down I Lay Me Down

Backgrounder: “This song was written several years ago in the months before my father passed away. When he learned his cancer had returned he decided against any further operations and treatment. I admired his bravery, his clarity of mind and wrote this in his voice as if he was looking back over his lifetime.” gaharrison

Down I Lay Me Down

Verse 1. I’m getting old, my hair is gray,
I may not have too many days.
My mind can’t help but turn around
to see my footsteps on the ground.
I’m looking back over all my years,
reaching for what I hold dear,
My arms are full, my family’s near.
Down I lay me down.


["G.D. Harrison - his younger days"]

Chorus:

‘Down I lay me down to sleep,
pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
take me home, (take me home).
If I should die before I wake,
bless my soul for Jesus’ sake.
Take me home, (take me home).
Down I lay me down.

2. Storms of life, my wife faced a few,
we had doubts at time, but then we grew
To understand love’s our goal
to work for over time I’m told.
I guess with age we wiser get,
pay our way, leave no debt.
Try to live with no regret.
Down I lay me down.

3. I always felt most at rest
down country roads, they seemed the best
place to watch birds catch the breeze.
They always put my mind at ease.
I traveled down many roads,
from wander-lust, a thirst to roam.
All those roads led back to home.
Down I lay me down.


["Five chips off the old block"]

4. Made a home, my wife and me,
kids a-plenty on each knee.
Lives to share, hands to hold,
they were my help as I grew old.
No worries now, no doom and gloom,
I know I will see you soon,
I’ll just be in the other room.
Down I lay me down.

gah

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Come On Over, I'm Over You

Backgrounder: “My wife and I have gone through hard times but never hard enough to end in divorce. Thirty-nines years later I still say, she’s a keeper. Her thoughts on the matter? I’m not exactly sure, but I bet it's half good. This song was written as a bit of fun about an unfunny topic.” gaharrison

Come On Over, I'm Over You

I get the pet dog, you get the cat,
I get the pet mouse, you get the rat.
I get the parakeet, you get the cage,
I get the parsley, you get the sage.
I get the whiskey I like to drink,
You get the Tupperware under the sink.
I packed all our stuff, divided by two.
So, come on over, I'm over you.

Chorus:

Come on over, I said we’re through.
Come on over, it’s sad but true.
I'm over you and your cold embrace,
I'm over you and your hard-luck face,
Come on over, see my new place.
And, pick up your boxes, I need the space.

I get the car, you get the truck,
I get the chicken, you get the duck.
I get the pots, you get the pans,
I get the blue box, you get the cans.
I get the couch with the pull-out bed,
You get the twelve-speed we kept in the shed.
I packed all our stuff, divided by two.
So, come on over, I'm over you.


[“Halfa this is yours too. Come on over”]

I get the coffee, you get the tea,
I get the radio, you get the TV.
I get the shoes, you get the clothes,
I get the garden, you get the hose.
I get the dress shirts and all of my pants,
You get the song, you get the dance.
I packed all our stuff, divided by two.
So, come on over, I'm over you.

I get some money back, you get your purse,
I get my freedom, you get the curse.
I get the roof tops you get the floor,
I get my leg room you get the door.
I get the high road, a bottle of wine,
You get the low road and half of what's mine.
I packed all our stuff, divided by two.
So, come on over, I'm over you.

Optional -

I get the helo pad, you get the yacht,
I get the gold bars, you get the stock.
I get the time-share in Boca Raton,
You get the mansion, the five acre lawn.
I get the Bentley, the cottage in France,
You get the beach house, the long picket fence.
Whatever we dreamed I divided by two.
Now, come on over, I'm over you.

GAH

***

Yeah, like the Bentley is ever going to happen.

Click here to read my latest column in The Londoner

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Blue Moon

Backgrounder: “I wrote this song while going through a ‘Bill Monroe bluegrass’ phase. All I need to do now is learn how to play the mandolin or banjo.” gaharrison

Blue Moon

1. Borrowed two dollars from my mother,
borrowed five dollars from my pa.
Said the money was for groceries.
Instead, I spent it at the mall.
Borrowed ten dollars from my sister,
borrowed twenty from my gal,
Said the money paid my heat bill.
Instead, went drinking with a pal.

Chorus:

2. Blue moon shining in my window,
blue moon shining on the wall.
I’m sitting all alone at midnight,
Wondering why folks never call.
Blue moon shining in my window,
blue moon shining on the wall,
I lay down thinking of my loved ones,
they don't pay me mind at all.


["Blue moon shining in my window...": GAH]

3. Borrowed fifty from my brother,
borrowed a 'C' from Uncle Jack,
Said I had to buy a new suit,
had a job down at the track.
Borrowed two hundred from my grandma,
the same from a guy I met,
Said I had a sure-fire venture,
Translated means one final bet.

4. That last guy came back for his money,
I said, "I'm tapped out, my son."
He tapped me once, he tapped me twice,
he tapped me three times with his gun.
Borrowed two dollars from my mother,
borrowed five dollars from my pa.
Said, "I need a blood transfusion."
Haven't seen them since the fall.

Optional:

5. I lay here thinking of my loved ones,
they haven’t come by for awhile.
The nurses think that I’m an orphan,
they don’t ever see me smile.
I guess you shouldn’t borrow money,
not if you want to have a friend
When you’re walking through the valley,
when you’re getting near the end.

gah

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A Dark, Cheap Motel

Backgrounder: “A lot of people seem to write songs about drinking too much whisky or beer. Why is that? I can’t speak for the others, but over the years I’ve learned that heavy drinkers spread a lot of pain around.” gaharrison

A Dark, Cheap Motel

1, I spent the night in a dark, cheap motel
'Cause I lost the keys to my house.
Once I stayed three days at a strange trailer park,
I forgot the name of my spouse.

Chorus:

Well, I don't drink lots but I sure pick my spots,
That's why I ended up here.
I must confess I should drink a lot less,
Or switch to low alcohol beer.


2. I spent the night in a dark, cheap motel,
For awhile I slept out in the hall.
I'd ordered a round, had the cash in my hand,
That's the last I seem to recall.

3. I spent the night in a dark, cheap motel,
I think on the downside of town.
A new friend from the bar took care of my car,
Which someday still may be found.

4. I spent the night in a dark, cheap motel,
I paid with my new Mastercard.
When I finally get home no more will I roam,
I sure make this life so hard.

gah

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She Had a Safety Pin

Backgrounder: “This song was inspired by a movie about a May - December romance. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Anyway, the song isn’t about me and a younger woman because I’ve never worked for ‘Al’s Plumbing’. And I don’t bowl five-pin anymore. But if I did...” G.A. Harrison

She Had a Safety Pin

1. She saw me sitting at the bowling alley
and aimed her question at me.
"Do you make house-calls this time of night?"
"For you ma'am, yessiree."
I paid my tab, she tugged my arm
and asked me about my fee.
"I had some luck at five-pin tonight
so for you ma'am, tonight is free."

Chorus:

She had a safety pin stuck in her cheek
and I had a rip in my jeans.
I'd like to say it was love at first sight
but I don't know what that means.
She had a safety pin stuck in her cheek
and I had a rip in my jeans.
And I'm going to say that I had more fun
than a boy who was in his teens.


2. I grabbed my keys, we left Fleetwood Bowl,
and I offered her a ride.
"I only live, like, two blocks away.
We can walk there fast," she sighed.
She set a quick pace, I followed behind.
"Why don't we run?" I cried.
I took the lead for about thirty steps
but my lungs almost burst inside.

3. She said, "Over here, you crazy old man,
this is my place on the right."
My neck was hot and my shirt was wet,
I must have looked a sight.
But she said, "Come in, I'll lead the way,
first I'll just get the light.
My bathroom's down this narrow hall,
and, man, I need a bath tonight."

4. I was about to say a bath was okay
when she pointed to the drain.
"I'm glad you plumbers were bowlin’ tonight
‘cause for these things I have no brain."
I recalled then the ad on my shirt,
'Al's Plumbing', of local fame.
I rolled up my sleeves, gave the plunger a heave,
that was the end of the game.

gah

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I Don’t Have to Say Nothing Again

Backgrounder: “This was the first song I sang in front of a microphone. Even though it was recorded in a friend’s basement I was as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. Thankfully, my friend is a monster guitar player and made the production sound pretty good. The song itself is from the imagination only.” gaharrison

I Don’t Have to Say Nothing Again

1. I don’t have to tell you you’re special,
I don’t have to tell you I care.
I don’t have to say
you look pretty tonight,
and I like what you’ve done with your hair.
I don’t have to call you my sweetheart,
or say I’ll be true to the end.
‘Cause you’re spending your time
with somebody else,
I don’t have to say nothing again.

Chorus:

No, nothing again, nothing again,
I don’t have to say nothing again.
‘Cause you’re spending your time
with somebody else,
I don’t have to say nothing again.


["This floozie broke my heart": courtesy photo link to Fortune's Pawn]

2. I don’t have to tell you I’m lonely,
and pick up the phone now and then.
I don’t have to tell you
I’m hoping ‘gainst hope,
you’ll stop dancing with the boys in the band.
I don’t have to say that you broke my heart
by sleeping with some other man.
I don’t have to tell you,
you drove us apart,
I don’t have to say nothing again.

3. I don’t have to tell you I’m crazy,
and forgive all the things that you’ve done.
I don’t have to tell you
I’m trying real hard
To find ways that we can have fun.
I don’t have to tell you I need you,
and want you to come home tonight.
I don’t have to tell you
that I still love you.
I don’t have to say nothing again.

GAH

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Lordie Lordie

Backgrounder: “I love singing this song. It comes from my desire to be a good egg and keep the peace at home for another 38 years.” gaharrison

1. You ended my life,
then twisted the knife,
Left me nothing but pain.
I was down on my luck,
you stole off in my truck
And shacked up with my brother again.
When I laid down my head,
on our half empty bed,
It smelled like the scene of the crime.
Hanky-panky, I swear it’s the end of the line.


[My younger brother and I. Sure, he looks harmless enough: circa 1953]

Chorus:

Lordie Lordie, I sure drank a snoot-full tonight.
Lordie Lordie, I sure look a horrible sight.
I fell down some stairs,
ripped my new underwears,
And I smell like cheap whisky and beer.
Lordie Lordie, it’s been the worst night of the year.

2. I fell in with friends,
who’d met similar ends,
And had pockets as deep as a well.
They said, “Our love-life stinks
so we’re buying the drinks.”
I said, “Guys, your plan suits me well.”
We emptied the kegs
into our hollow legs,
The police had to settle us down,
Heebee-geebees, I woke up ten miles outta town.

3. Stumbled ‘round until three,
barely able to see,
Still troubled you slept with my kin.
But I’ve made my mistakes
and there’s more that I’ll make,
So can we start over again?
Please come back tonight,
you know I won’t bite,
I’ll make you feel right at home.
Holy-moley, I don’t want to end up alone.

GAH

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